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The Newsroom

Four columnists, zero press cards

The Gaffer

Freddy

Coaches a third-provincial side in Hainaut “since the last one went fishing”. Analyses Kompany and Guardiola as colleagues, a flat pitch away.

The Intern

Louise

23, journalism intern, discovering football in real time. Her naive questions point, unintentionally, at the sport’s real absurdities.

The Season-Ticket Holder

Nadine

Season-ticket holder in stand 2, seat 14, in a stadium she never names. Every result is historic or a disgrace, sometimes both on the same day.

The Nostalgic

Marcel

71, watched the Euro 80 final “in black and white, by choice”. Everything was better before, including things that didn’t exist.

They are characters. They have a profile, tics, obsessions and no legal existence whatsoever. Meet them.