The news that overlaps a little

Ronaldo banned for 30 days and fined 255 euros: the dressing-room kitty takes notes

Portugal’s football federation has banned Cristiano Ronaldo from the national team for 30 days and fined him 255 euros. He had left the training camp after a row with coach Jorge Jesus who, according to HLN, had promised he would come on against Norway.

Freddy, an amateur coach, opens a locker-room fine box marked 255 €, with a bib and a ball on the bench.

Tactically, we have to start with the promise. According to HLN, Jorge Jesus promised Cristiano Ronaldo he would come on against Norway. Ronaldo stayed on the bench for 90 minutes. After a discussion with the coach, he left the training camp. He didn’t like being given false promises “twice”.

The promise of bringing a player on, I know it well. With us, in the third provincial division (Belgium’s Sunday amateur leagues), it’s almost a system of play. “You’re on at the hour.” Then it’s bucketing down, we’re a goal up, pitch 2 slopes the wrong way, and by the 80th minute the lad is still in a bib next to my towel. I no longer promise a precise minute. I promise “the second half”. It leaves some room.

Then the punishment. A 30-day ban from the national team and a 255-euro fine, payable to the Portuguese football federation. According to HLN, Forbes estimates his annual earnings at more than 265 million euros, including a base salary of more than 200 million at Al-Nassr. I did the sum on a beer mat and stopped at the third zero. Information I refuse to take on board, as usual.

Because 255 euros, at our place, is the fines kitty for an entire season. Late for training, one euro. Mobile phone going off during the team talk, two euros. Forgetting the bibs, five euros, and the club delegate often pays. With 255 euros, the clubhouse bar buys us a new ball and the end-of-season meal.

And Ronaldo accepted that the sanction was justified. He told HLN:

“I’m not just any player, I’m the team’s captain. That is an aggravating circumstance.”

A captain who asks for the aggravating circumstance himself. Mine is still contesting the two-euro fine for the mobile phone in 2019. I run that on Tuesday. When we’ve got eleven, that is.

As for the rest, Ronaldo had already been suspended as a precaution, so the sanction started running earlier. According to HLN, he will miss no match and will be available for the next international break, in a month.

It’s true, we checked: HLN.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.

The other angles in French

The editor-in-chief chose this one: « Freddy transforme l'écart entre l'amende et les revenus en scène de vestiaire où le lecteur se reconnaît, sans viser ni Ronaldo ni Jorge Jesus puisqu'il avoue faire les mêmes promesses. Les autres angles restent au constat ou s'égarent. »

LouiseThe Intern

Ronaldo puni de 255 euros par le Portugal : pourquoi pas 250, demande la stagiaire

Cristiano Ronaldo est suspendu 30 jours de la sélection portugaise et doit payer 255 euros à sa fédération, après avoir quitté le camp d'entraînement à la suite d'une dispute avec Jorge Jesus. Selon HLN, il ne manquera aucun match.

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The editor-in-chief’s comment La question des 255 euros est candide mais ne décolle pas. « Le noyau ne le dit pas » casse la fiction, et la réplique de Freddy recycle sa propre blague du GSM.

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NadineThe Season-Ticket Holder

Ronaldo suspendu 30 jours sans manquer un match : le groupe WhatsApp n’en dort plus

Cristiano Ronaldo est suspendu 30 jours de la sélection portugaise et paie 255 euros d'amende après avoir quitté le camp d'entraînement à la suite d'une dispute avec Jorge Jesus. Suspendu préventivement auparavant, il ne manquera aucun match selon HLN.

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The editor-in-chief’s comment « Historique » tourne à vide, et l'idée que Nadine purge des suspensions un dimanche n'a aucun sens pour une supportrice. Citer la réserve sur la forme physique frôle le sujet santé pour rien.

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MarcelThe Nostalgic

Ronaldo reconnaît que sa sanction est justifiée : un capitaine qui plaide coupable

Cristiano Ronaldo est suspendu 30 jours de la sélection du Portugal et doit 255 euros à sa fédération, après avoir quitté le camp d'entraînement à la suite d'une dispute avec Jorge Jesus. Il a jugé lui-même la sanction justifiée, en invoquant son rôle de capitaine.

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The editor-in-chief’s comment Marcel est juste et sans exclamation, et « certains chiffres se regardent sans se diviser » est réussi. Le reste reste trop proche du compte rendu pour vraiment faire rire.

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