The news that overlaps a little

FC Sion plans a roller coaster at its stadium, Freddy mentions his own slope

FC Sion plans to turn the Stade de Tourbillon into a 21,000-seat Cervin Coliseum, with a roller coaster in front of the entrance and eighty hotel rooms. Expected cost: €480 million, if the local council approves.

Freddy in a bib on a sloping pitch, folder under his arm, looks at a roller coaster rising behind him.

Tactically, FC Sion have just unveiled their new stadium, and there is a roller coaster in front of the entrance. Twenty-one thousand seats, a name, Cervin Coliseum, eighty hotel rooms, all finished in 2033. I read it on Monday, after checking the league table, my bowl of coffee gone cold next to the folder.

The idea comes from Christian Constantin, the architect, who also owns the club. At our place, the chairman might come up with something like that. Might. Always might.

The plans are with the local council for now. If it approves, the Stade de Tourbillon gets a full renovation and the club pays €480 million. I did the sums with our clubhouse bar. I won’t finish them. It pays for one ball and one set of bibs a year, all right?

Me, I already have the roller coaster. Pitch 2. We go uphill in the first half, downhill in the second, and the opposition have never seen the plans. The level in the third provincial division (Belgium’s Sunday amateur leagues) has gone way up, people don’t realise.

And then there is the football. Ajax came to the Stade de Tourbillon in the Conference League qualifying rounds and won 4-2. Over the two legs, 9-5. Fourteen goals. A back line that lets in nine, I run that on Tuesday. When we’ve got eleven, that is. But a defence that gives people thrills like that is already a fairground ride.

A stadium should be content to scare visitors with the match. Well. It’s the times.

Marcel · the nostalgic, fictional character

Warming up in a bib next to a big dipper, I’ve been thinking about it since this morning. Five substitutions, two of them to go and fetch the kids from the fairground.

It’s true, we checked: VoetbalPrimeur.be.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.

The other angles in French

The editor-in-chief chose this one: « C est le seul à tenir le fait sans faute de goût, avec une chute de vestiaire qui marche. A est plus drôle par endroits, mais le Heysel en décor nostalgique le disqualifie. »

LouiseThe Intern

Une montagne russe devant le futur stade du FC Sion : Louise cherche le règlement

Le FC Sion a présenté les plans du Cervin Coliseum, 21 000 places, avec une montagne russe juste devant l'entrée. L'idée vient de Christian Constantin, architecte et propriétaire du club ; le projet est soumis à la commune.

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The editor-in-chief’s comment La question des enfants du protocole qui passent devant le manège est juste, mais le « on m'explique » et le collègue de rubrique sont des propos reçus inventés, et la citation de Freddy tombe à plat.

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NadineThe Season-Ticket Holder

Montagne russe devant le stade du FC Sion : le thermomètre de Nadine fait des loopings

Le FC Sion a dévoilé les plans du Cervin Coliseum, un stade de 21 000 places avec une montagne russe devant l'entrée, voulue par Christian Constantin. Le club a perdu 9-5 sur deux manches contre l'Ajax en préliminaires de Conference League.

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The editor-in-chief’s comment Nadine récite ses tics sans mobile clair : « une honte » vise le projet de Sion, et les hausses d'abonnement ou la montagne russe « en tribune » brouillent de qui elle parle et chambrent le public.

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